watdoudo

What do I do?
I could howl at the Moon, I could play with the Stars, I could dance on the surface of the water.
Not really.
But maybe.
How do I act? How do I live?
All questions I don't even want answers for - I'm stuck in the middle, I'm being left behind, I'm motionless as the world spins by.
How do I cry? Tears come no longer - what is pain vs. indifference? Why cry? There's nothing to cry for?
What do I need? I don't know - I need nothing...well, I need love.

Love is what makes me happy. When I see other people's smiling faces, when I see them laugh, or play I'm also happy. But it's not enought to see it - I want to be a part of it.
Lonely now =( ...No one to laugh with.
Ah...I see? So eventually, I end up needing people. I can't hide away, because I'll lose all happiness.

It's so quiet. So very quiet.

too soon, so long

Okay, here I am again, and as I said in the title, far too soon, but a well, here I am!

I just finished absorbing a 400 paged book - and you know what that means...narration time!!

I'll let you, at least, know what the book was called - Maximum Ride. And I'll tell you that it was pretty fucked up for a supposed kid novel, the weirdest part was that it was insanely kiddish. They couldn't swear. At all. There were many points in the story where the narrator would say things like, "insert swear word here"....

Me: And I shall. *grin*...And while I'm at it a 'lil sex scene here!!!

lol Jkz..........but the romantic "BUILD UP" was so utterly dissapointing.

I JUST WANT A GOOD BOOK TO READ *falls on knees* One for my FUCKING age group! (Added note: this is why I want to write my OWN books I guess?)

Cold Blue.

It's the title of my msn name, and I also just mentioned it right now...that blue, that blue surrounded by grey...the opening sky...the cold.
I remember being afraid of this feeling for a long time...ever since I was a kid; why, when, or how it started...well hell if I know. Like a lot of things from when I was a kid, it could of just been my imagination.
It's like being sucked from the roof of a high building, the morning of a crisp cold winter...tired, possibly hungry...hungry for...who knows what?
The cold, cold, lonely blue. I hate that feeling - the cold blue. Which is most likely why I have a fire complex :P.

Hohoho~ I'm funny.

This book, M.R., gave me that "cold-blue" feeling - just in time for winter too. I'll be waking up to the bleak, white-blue, and I'll be...cold.

Brrr.

Pig-topia also reminds me of this feeling. It's funny, the feeling inspires me...and at times it really can inspire me, like the breath of cold FRESH air. BUT...the cold-blue is quite different. It weighs heavily on you, it's not bright at all, in fact its very bleak and grey. It's one of those days when the bags under your eyes become apparent...all your pimples too. Nasty. Everything just feels nasty everything just looks, nasty.

Did anyone notice I'm trying to type better...anyone? =)

What I pictured...an image that comes with the cold-blue, (but only because *I think* that I made up this image...based of the cold-blue...)...

A girl standing on a building, now I'm seeing her wearing hospital clothing thingies? Her long black hair is being pulled by the cold, crisp wind...and I suddenly had a thought(just now). A memory...hospitals...I hate hospitals...the cold-blue reminds me of hospitals. Is this girl on a hospital? I remember being a kid and looking out of the window of a hospital - the cold-blue greeting me; I remember this, I thought. Anyway, the "image". The girl looks like she's about to jump off the edge...clouds, grey, ominous, hover above.

And that's all I can see...the cold-blue thought is fading. Now when I picture it I see bright white light and that's not the way it really is.

Good thing I guess?

The book made me really...and I mean really want to write, but it seems like my juices are running low. =(...No...~~ I need books. BOOKS!...argh.

Things though...like, I don't want to write because I only know it'll be very like M.R...and of course I don't want it to be. Ah, yes, I've also decided to try stop basing the main characters of my stories off myself...or AHEM other people I know.

*hears people cheering - yay*

I wanted to write so much more, but the smallest things are distracting me, even keane playing video games. >.<...it's 11:30pm too, and I *pretty sure* I've got a math test tomorrow. *sighs with doom*

So...I guess my only option is sleep? xox...sleep widout studying!!!!

argh i guess im only tired...


goodnight then. ;)

strangers

Recetnly did this, tried doing it off of Othello style. I want to type a lot but I'm distracted...or got distracted, and now I'm not sure what to say!

BTW I <3 KARE KANO!~~~~!!~~! I WANT NUMBER 12!!!


=D













(later on)

The title, "stranger", is simply because that's the song I'm listening to. lol Man, everytime I want to post I come here only to disapoint myself - there's nothing to say anymore!

Maybe a little self-reflection time? Well, nothing has changed, as usual, which is all my fault, as usual, but this doesn't depress me, as usual.

lol I recently finished reading like four chapters of Kare Kano (thanks Tim!) and it amazes me how easily these people can reflect on their emotions and realize what they're feeling. I have to admit the stories follow a pretty noticable, predicatable structure, but I still REALLY like the story (even if half the time I'm thinking, man these people need to get laid) lol Just joking, but yeah, I'm pretty much thinking, OK he likes her, she likes him - get it over with!...but I like the excitement build up aroudn them getting together, it's really cute. I still don't get Arima though, @_@. Oh well. My favourite couple is Tsubasa and Kazuma, only for Kazuma though - he's so cute!
It depresses me more and more to read these things where the main characters are in their high school years, ESPECIALLY the fourteen-year olds. It makes me restless, and wanting to hear more things about older people - but the thing is, there isn't much. Most of the "older" stuff borders on trashy porn and the drama is just SICKENING! And if not fanatasy then all there are are those "intellgent" books or whatever. Argh, maybe I just need to find more books? Well, all I know is that when they say the "teen" section, they mean like 14-16 year olds.

Man time has flown by WAY too fast.

Ah well, right now I really want to finish PIG-topia. It's constantly on my mind, and Von made me crazy about Prince and His Shadow - what to do!??! There's also the fruitkin! ...:sighs: Keane showed me an old, oooolddd story that I wrote, but as usual, never finished. Surprisingly it was one I had COMPLETELY forgotton about, expect for bits and peices. It was fun to discover who was who in the story, and where it was going. Honestly it was pretty eye-catching, cept the grammer/sentence structure sucked. lol SIGH...Makes me want to write.

Anyway, I've gone FAR BEYOND distraction, and this place has been inactive for a while.

l8r days